Gather 'round, ye lads and lasses, set ye for a while
And harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle
Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone
An lift our voices in another Irish drinking song
Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox
Me brother drank the whiskey 'til he wound up in a box
Me other brother in the Troubles met with his demise
Me sister has forever closed her smilin’ Irish eyes
Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried
We'll drink and drink and drink and drink, and then we'll drink some more
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin’ light
Then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinking once again
Ken was killed in Kilkenny and Claire, she did in Clare
Tip from Tipperary died out in the Derry air
Shannon jumped into the River Shannon back in June
Ernie fell into the Erne, and Tom is in the Toome
"Cleanliness is godliness," me Uncle Pat would sing
He broke his neck a'slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring
O'Grady, he was eighty, though his bride was just a pup
He died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up
Now everybody's died …
Joe Murphy fought with Reilly near the cliffs of old Doneen
He took out his shillelagh and he stabbed him in the spleen
Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun
In fact he's just a leper, and his arms and legs are gone
When Timmy Johnson broke his neck, it was a cryin' shame
He wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame
McNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit
But he was just a Scotsman, so nobody gave a shit!
Now everybody's died …
Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar
The road rose up to meet him when he fell out of his car
Irony was what befell me Great Grand-Uncle Sam
He choked upon the very last potato in the land
Conor lived in Ulster town, he used to smuggle arms
Until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms
And dear old Father Flanagan, who left the Lord's employ
Drunk on sacramental wine, beneath the altar boy
Now everybody's died …
Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin
The Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin
Me only wish is, when the Savior comes for me and you....
He [kills the cast of Riverdance and Michael Flatley too]!
Now everybody's died …