Now what are the joys of a single young man?

Why, boozing, bloody well boozing

And what is he doing whenever he can?

Why, boozing, bloody well boozing

You may think I’m wrong or you may think I’m right

I’m not going to argue, I know you can fight

But what do you think we are doing tonight?

Why, boozing, bloody well boozing

Oh what are the joys of a poor married man?…

And what is he doing whenever he can?…

He comes home at night and he gives his wife all

He goes out a-shopping, makes many a call

But what brings him home, hanging on to the wall?…

And what do the moral majority run down?

And what are they banning in every town?

They stand on street corners, they rave and they shout

They shout about things they know nothing about

But what are they doing when the lights are turned out?